Processing

[Engtovo]

It's Engtovo I was Tatiacha for 11 years and Engtovo was a middle name but one morning I woke with the knowing it was time to drop the Tatiacha.  It kind of surprised me because I always really liked the name and thought I would eventually make it legal, but within a week or so of using Engtovo it felt very right.
 
I'm really sorry about your son, (the person had a son who passed on) and I too was really pushed into using the skills I had instead of running from them when my daughter died.  I had to know why and that need to know pushed me past every barrier of fear that I had at the time.  It is a common mistake for them to cause situations in our lives that they think will whip us, when they end up having the opposite effect.
 
When you hit a wall like the one you are experiencing the last few years in my experience it is usually a personal wall, vs. the dark forces wall.  You have reached the point where you know exactly what they are capable of.  When you get to that point then you are looking at yourself and every self doubt you have ever had is right there telling you that if you move forward you will not survive.  Dealing with the most basic fear of life the ability to survive often stops people for years.  For me they attacked me so hard and long that I had no choice but to find the part of me that could do the fight because it was survival every day.  I had the doubt and there were moments I thought they would kill me and moments I was hit so hard I wished I would die.  So I had no choice but to push through and find what was inside me.  What I found over the years is that winning a little battle multiplied exponentially my understanding of what I could do.  It is almost like when you know you can knock out one chemtrail something in your mind spirit connection says well if I can do that I can't see why I can't do this bigger thing that is done in the same way, but has much bigger effects.
 
I have had my pets targeted in the past so I would say they are pushing in on you to find out if you are going to the next stage and be a big threat to them or if they can leave you where you are.  For me the key with anger, and they will make you mad, is that under anger there is a root energy that it can be transformed into and that is motivation & movement.  When you are in anger for example they push, and your want to push back, if you do that there may be nasty consequences.  When the anger is transformed into motivation, you step back look at the whole situation and wait for an opening where a whole group of workers can accomplish something bigger.  This is one of the ways we get the bigger successes.  The dark forces are very prone after our successes to act out spontaneously in their anger and it backfires when they do so.  The high priests were the ones who would do their best to keep control of the situations and try to avoid those reactions, but with the high priests gone, the dark forces no longer have anyone to look at the long range consequences.  This has helped immensely to thwart plan after plan.  We are being methodical in our approach and they are reactionary.
 
When I go through a period where meditation seems difficult for some reason I try and take action instead.  Like if I have been laying down every day for a week to meditate and every time getting distracted and feeling like I am accomplishing nothing, perhaps the next day I will get up, get in the car and just say ok show me where to go.  I will usually end up some place where the energy is not right and go about doing a little ceremony or energy work until it feels better in the place.  Sometimes it may be about receiving a message in a non meditation way. I will find myself out in the woods and there is an eagle or you come upon the hawk feather.  While meditation to me is the most important thing we can do to connect and get out of the matrix energies sometimes we need action to connect our spiritual and physical lives.
 
Even though it is terrible to have your cats targeted it does tell you that despite the outward appearances you are participating in some level of the work while in the sleep state.  They wouldn't bother if you had been doing NOTHING for these years.  You are doing enough that they want to scare you away from doing more.  The thing about animals is that they will willingly sacrifice themselves for you when you are being attacked.  They know who is who on the planet and they want us to be successful because it is in the best interest of every living being.  So I guess it really is more about bringing the work into the conscious level and then intensifying it, that feels like it is not happening.  Let me just say to any part of your mind in doubt, it is clear to me that you DO have the ability to handle anything they throw at you!  You can ask your guide to put protections around the cats.  It won't stop a cat from willingly taking a hit for you but will protect  them from direct targeting.  At this point expectation of self can be a big enemy, know that you are participating and keep thoughts in your mind that you are a willing participant and just let it unfold. Follow your instincts.
 
Remembering previous experiences really helps like the truck thing. My mom and I had two experiences in the same week in Seattle back in 1989 when a car was about to hit us and instead they both went right though us.  We both looked at each and said did that just happen?  It was a weird feeling, but when I am driving and some silly fear comes up, like say it's some nasty snow conditions, and I start thinking I'm gonna end up in a ditch , I stop the thoughts I am having and remind myself of those experiences and the fear will go away immediately, because it is not a concept I read somewhere, but an experience as real as anything else in life that told me nothing is as it appears.