James
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Posts: 6
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« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2009, 11:59:43 AM » |
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This particular post about 11- and 22 years had me thinking for a while about a few things.
I think in 1984, I remember wanting to wear glasses, thinking about how cool I would look. It didn't take long for that to happen – allergies to pollen were responsible for the change in my eyesight, or so I was told by a doctor. Unfortunately, just wearing glass in school back in those days made one a social outcast where I used to live. I didn't get the better-looking wire frame glasses until late in high school or when I was in college. The whole saga drastically changed how I viewed myself, and more importantly, how I viewed most people. I never had much of a social life, and feel distant from the world for years. The interesting thing about all of this is how I look back at this one thing I wanted and saw how easy it was to have something manifested. . . an ability I don't seem to have anymore unless it is for more bad stuff to happen.
1993 was when I started the automatic writing stuff and (not long after that) getting messages via clairaudience. Not much was helpful, and I got into all kinds of trouble for giving credence to those messages. To this day I still don't know who “out there” was the source of those messages, but it contributed to the crisis in faith that I still have today (although to a lesser extent). I had started looking at some Eastern teachings which some “new age” group was promoting, but back then it was more of a superficial thing.
So far this year, I've had to deal with more of the bogus messages, even as I wonder when the kundalini will finish its work. Prayer and meditation are getting more difficult – I keep falling asleep whenever I try either, no matter what time of day, no matter what day of the week it happens. If I don't fall asleep during meditation, my sinuses get congested so that I can't focus. And, for some unknown reason, I have this need to apologize to a former friend who believes I insulted her years ago. . . an apology for her sake, not mine (in other words, I'm not expecting anything other than knowing that we have reconciled with each other) . I sent her a message via a social networking site recently in an attempt to do so, but received no reply. I have no other way of reaching her. An unresolved matter that remains unresolved. . .
Most importantly, over the past several months I've been gathering more information which suggests that the teachings of Christianity were corrupted early on, due to politics and persecutions (among other things). Not only that, it said that Jesus went to India to study teachings of the Masters before starting his public ministry in Israel and went back to India after the crucifixion. When I found that more reasonable people (compared to some of the “new age” groups), such as Paramhansa Yogananda, were saying similar things, and even claimed that Jesus taught (and believed in) karma, reincarnation, the existence of kundalini, it all started making sense to me: every time someone taught the essentials, there were always people who would make a religion out of teachings they deliberately corrupted.
It does help that I don't have throw away everything I've learned, but I'm still struggling right now with one thing. I've been trying to figure out why my prayers (with the exception recently of getting around safely for a few hundred miles with a nail in one of the car tires) never get answered. Even when I'm not doubting something that I want to see happen, it doesn't. Regardless of whether I request it from God more than once, it doesn't happen. Even if I change my view of how God sees me, nothing is different. I've wondered for some time if it is because of what goes on in the astral plane, and not because of my beliefs.
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